By Obi Okere

Last week I wrote about the importance of setting strong boundaries in any relationship. I have found that the one thing that can get in the way of people enforcing boundaries is telling the truth about how one feels.

Most people think they are truthful. I’m not referring to the truth in the sense of relaying facts or discerning fact from opinion. I am referring to the truth about one’s inner feelings. Sometimes people are only truthful when it is comfortable to be.

There is an old cliché: “The truth will set you free.” I am sure that you have heard this before. It is amazing how accurate that statement is. It takes a lot of energy to withhold the truth. This kind of withholding creates an inner conflict. The following are eight signs that you are withholding the truth:

1. Someone thinks you understand something when you don't.

2. Someone thinks you've agreed with something when you haven't.

3. Someone thinks you're going to do something that you know you wouldn’t do.

4. Someone thinks you did something that you didn't do.

5. Someone doesn't know you love him or her when you do.

6. Someone thinks you love him or her, but you don't.

7. Someone doesn't know what you're capable of because you haven’t shown him or her.

8. Someone thinks you're capable of something when you're not.

Many times people don’t want to share the truth for the following reasons:

• They don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.

• They are afraid of how someone might react.

These reasons are not true. In fact, people are really trying to protect themselves from the feeling of seeing someone upset, mad, or angry. That is a very cowardly way to be.

The best way to tell the truth is to tell it when it comes to you. Practice telling the truth faster than you have before. There is no right or wrong time to tell the truth. You just have to do it.

Obi Okere is a professional life coach. He works extensively with young professionals, teaching them the skills that contribute to professional and personal success. He can be reached at obi@obiokere.com.